Lordi Uusipaavalniemi

Learn the sweetness of my mercy

Uusis announces news of victory against Canada

Markku Uusipaavalniemi announced the victory three hours before the match begins. "I have foreseen it, no sweat!" screamed magical mystery Markku at a press conference ON TOP OF THE WORLD. After the event the former Mount Everest was renamed as Mount Uusipaavalniemi.

People were in mixed states of minds - some overjoyed, some just weeping - as the choir of CANADIAN CHILDREN he saved sang "Nothing Compares to U'usis" to HONOR the greatest man alive. "I cried for 24 hours" states Jack Bauer of CTU and hints of a DVD-release.

In his vision Uusis the BARBARIAN totally demolished Canada in the curling Olympic final 2006. His awesomeness reduced Canada to A BANANA REPUBLIC of curling. "Hasta la vista, Uusipaavalniemi" was the last that was heard of the Canadian teams captain, but words from WORTHLESS NOBODIES mean NOTHING to Uusis.

When asked of his future plans the TITAN goes silent for a minute and responds: "Curling has given me so much, but I must now move on to things that all MAGNIFICENT PEOPLE do". He talks briefly about his plans for running for the governor of California.

He also mentions rechristening himself as Miyagi Uusipaavalniemi and taking on a young CURLING apprentice (preferably named DANIEL SAN). He also dreams of his personal movie project "Rubicks cube - GONE IN 15 SECONDS".

Before he takes off to the skies, he makes one last promise: "There I'll be back."

DISCLAIMER: Uusipaavalniemi's vision might be vulnerable to Canadian JEDI mind-tricks.

Written by Unknown on Friday February 24, 2006

Permalink -

« Markku performs hostile takeover of Ferrari S.p.A by accident - It's all a lie, I tell you, a LIE! »